Just had some bread and butter... 200 cals? Not ideal, but I'm not getting down on myself in light of the fact that I am kicking ass overall. I might have some spinach later, but I think I'm done.

Am I the only one who watches food shows, loves to cook and bake, but hates eating? I am so weird...

Things are going well for me right now, but tomorrow I am going out with friends to a club. Dancing will definitely burn off the calories, but I am afraid of alcohol calories. I don't usually drink because of the calories, so I might just have one vodka and diet coke, and then switch to just diet coke and hope they don't notice!

One of the reasons I rarely go out dancing is that I know I am the fat friend, and I feel so self concious. I don't think I deserve to dress up and have a good time, because of my weight. I hate it so much, because I love to dance. I just wish I didn't feel like people were staring at me, making fun of me, judging me... it's the worst feeling in the world. I am going to try and ignore those bad feelings, because I want to use the dancing to burn calories.

Le Boyfriend is coming to visit this weekend - hopefully he doesn't try and make me eat anything. I'll live on diet coke as long as possible, but I'll likely have some sushi for dinner with him tomorrow. That should be all the food I'm eating though - I don't plan for anything else. Luckily he's not coming until after dinner today, so that's one bullet I can dodge.

Fingers crossed!

Had some sauteed spinach and 2 scrambled eggs. 200 kcals I would guess. That's it for today!

EDIT: I calculated using nutritiondata.com... it's probably only 150 cals

lost 2 lbs this week. bought some vitamins and some slimquick powders you put in your water. feeling dizzy - haven't eating in 2 days. it's amazing.

I've been doing ok this week, but it's never enough. I always hate myself - no matter what I do. I don't know how to do well enough so that I don't hate myself. Even if I do better than yesterday, I still feel like a failure.

eff em elle

under 700 each day on the weekend. Little victories.

so cocktail party kicks my ass... 600 cals of hors d'oeuvres

shit shit shit.

no food tomorrow. gotta punish myself for my lack of willpower.

that's 800 today. EFFFFF

cottage cheese (100 kcal)
crumpet (100 kcal)

gotta stay strong through supper time

haven't eaten yet today. lost two lbs this week. thats too slow for my perfectionist OCD type self. moving ON.

On a brighter note, I am two weeks away from being done classes forever!

granola bar (130)
iced coffee
rice crackers with salsa (150)
2 pieces of bread (160)
nibbled on artichoke dip (200? at the most)
pushed salad around on a plate (60?)

total: 700

gross