Booo chocolate kisses... I am calling it 500 cals, but its likely not even that much. I like to seriously overexagerrate my calories when I write them down to discourage any further eating.

think thin!!

So far today:

granola bar (100)
cottage cheese (100)

hopefully skipping dinner!!

I ate a crepe with sugar free jam... I feel suuuper guilty now, but I will just have salad for dinner and hopefully the guilt will go away. Need to jog it off!!!!

yesterday was good, only had a salad dressed with salsa :)

so far, only coffee today!

trying to stay busy, that's the key (for me anyways)

stay strong!!!

went for a run - now i'm dizzy :)

I had way more food than I intended to today.. my grandmother won't leave me alone, and I feel SO BAD always turning her down.. I am going away for the weekend to get away from the constant pushing of food, and tomorrow I can restrict even more to make up for today. Just salad for dinner at the most tomorrow.

ttyl - think thin!

hunger pangs. why aren't my diet pills here yet???

control. I am in control.

back to keeping my food journal. taking lots of vitamins, drinking lots of water.

I haven't slipped, and I won't.

praying for Mad Bird's mother. xoxo

that's it, i'm taking up running.

i hate myself.

my eating disorder is crazy. so crazy. the things in my head... sometimes I can't believe how stupid I am.

but if I stop - i'll be even fatter than i already am.

there is no way out!

watching 'super skinny me' and eating carbs... how does that makes sense.

I hate binge eating. HATE HATE HATE

I have realized that I can't eat proper food. It makes me lose control. It makes me think I can be normal, when I put that food in and swallow. I hate it so much, because I'm kidding myself if I think I'm normal.

Right now my body is only craving candy, so that's all I'm going to have. It makes me feel sick to eat candy, especially chocolate because I am lactose intolerant, so its a great plan: I'm eating what I like, but I can't eat too much because it makes me feel horrible. God knows why my body would crave something that makes it feel sooo bad, but who am I to argue? I'll eat it, it'll make me vomit, and its a win-win.

Sweet.

no pun intended... lol

Biggest Aim? Going from size 8 to size 0

Need a 24 inch waist.. I would settle for 25 at this point, but I know the ultimate goal is 24.

I think 24 inch waist is a size 0, although I'm not obviously speaking from experience, lol.

I'm gonna go get myself a tape measure!

I am counting down to receiving my diet pills!! I feel almost out of control until they arrive. Then I am starting Dr. Bernstein in the new year - yaaay! Because of my binge eating I am actually technically overweight. So gross, I know - count yourselves lucky... Anyways, so medically supervised super-fast weight loss is just what I need to avoid binging because I am going to be accountable to someone other than myself. It's gonna be awesome. 5lbs/week gone, and no binging because I'll be taking out that element of "oh it's never going to work anyways".

So excited.

Oh, and I've had 500 cals - and that'll probably be it!

I want my diet pills to get here nooowwww!!! AND I want to go skiing so bad. SO BAD. I'm counting down.

I just ordered Green Surge diet pills!!

27 mg of ephedra
225 mg of caffeine

plus it has bitter orange, yohimbe, theobroma and willow bark! Seemed like a good choice AND it was the most cost effective of all the 27 mg dose pills. I figured go big or go home...

I'll let you know how it goes!

Grandparents ordered chinese when they visited last night. fried food galore. it was stomach churning - both looking at the grease, and feeling it in my stomach after I couldn't hold off any longer.

laxatives today. they make my life hell, but they make my brain stop screaming at me to get the food out. So far, so good. Besides the obvious downsides that is. trying to avoid giving too much info on that one.

movies with the girls tonight - that'll improve my mood hopefully, as long as they don't make horrible fattening snacks for me to binge on!

So far today I have had water. Just water. I think I will try to keep it that way!!

I really appreciate any input you have on diet pills you have tried in the past, so thank you to those who have contacted me or commented! If you have any good or bad experiences to share, I would be sooo grateful for your comments!

Emma

best diet pill you've tried? I want some, but I hate all the hype - just tell the truth people!

today was better:

banana
granola bar
2 pieces of bread
1 tablespoon of peanut butter

thats 500 cals.

I hope I can last until at least noon tomorrow, but getting up early always makes me dizzy, so I don't know if I might have to eat SOMETHING tomorrow morning.

today I had organic cereal and soymilk, a granola bar, some random shit that a friend at school shared with me that I couldn't say no to because I was so goddam hungry, rainbow trout, rice and salad. Oh and of course a fuck-ton of chocolate because my body craves it EVERY DAY.

So that's what? 6,000,000 calories?

Okay, maybe its 950 plus however much chocolate I ate. Which is probably like 200-300...

I hate bingeing. Especially since I am incapable of making myself throw up. Which I would if I could.

I wanna dieeee. Gotta get me some serious will-power.

I am cutting back on the eating. Like SO MUCH. I am at 500 and that's it for the day.

On a positive note, I am going to buy some diet pills. I am thinking Green Stinger. Anyone tried them? Let me know if they are good!

I just ate A LOT of pizza. Like a clinically diagnosed binge.

How can I live with myself?? Knowing that I am gonna lose weight like its nobody's business.

Here we go.

Woah, I lasted two weeks... impressive

Back

Yeah, that'll never happen.

Learn to love yourself. That is the answer.