I am on tumblr... http://www.skinnyblondexoxo.tumblr.com/

Sooo much skiing this weekend. I am still in the midst of this whole "healthy weight loss" nonsense since my bf has been so encouraging. I'll let you know if I lost any this week - I am keeping my fingers crossed since I exercised so much. Ugh I hate this slow crawl... but I am looking forward to summer, so that will keep me focused. I hope.

Skiing all weekend - hopefully burned off all of the calories I ingested last night on Valentine's Dinner. So much good food at the swankiest restaurant. Including my one weakness: champagne. Got totally tipsy. I love being in love.

Oh I should confess... I maaaajorly made a mistake abusing laxatives two weeks ago. Like, lets just say I had to invest in some serious stain remover. ANYways, I have used them before but I went overboard because I was so disgusted with how long it was taking to lose weight. I hope I never do that again. If you haven't been there - don't try it!!!

I've lost around 4 lbs since starting the healthy way. So slow. I keep thinking about how much I have to work out to burn off all these digusting calories. And eating begets eating. At least for me. So when I start, I can't stop. It's easier to never start. Ugh I hate myself.

Hope you're all doing well.

trying to lose weight the healthy way? I promised my boyfriend I would try it for a week or two. I will let you know how it goes. I have been to the gym every day except today (6 out of 7 days this week) and I have been eating around 1000 cals per day. More this weekend tho because my bf is a jerk and makes me eat everything that he does. Or at least, it feels that way. I don't think he actually says those words out loud, but its implied. DAMN.

I'll let you know if I lost. Weighing tomorrow morning.

weighed myself. promptly sunk into deep depression.

things have been crazy at work, it's nice being busy.

i feel like i'm not good enough. never good enough. not even to randomly post on here with people who are successful and who are attaining their dreams. i am nothing. nobody. you should probably stop reading my blog altogether.

watching supersize vs superskinny distracts me from my own eating problems. whatever they are. the obvious triggers in the show are over-ridden by watching the supersize person in their skivvies. makes me want to reject food forever. if only.

working hard! it's my boyfriends birthday this weekend, so shit is going to go down. Need to up my exercise so I can eat a little and look normal! good luck everyone - this is our year!

Actually feel better today! Thank goodness.  Had a bowl of special k this morning. Trying to stay strong, its so twisted that when i'm happy, I don't mind eating, but when I'm lonely and insecure, I hate food. Being with my boyfriend makes me happy, so I always eat more with him than when he's away. So sad.

oh god. the holidays have killed me. I am soooo sick its unbelievable. So I lie in bed all day. I have been eating more than I would care to admit, but not more than 1000 per day at least. hopefully this cold has been using up energy, meaning I won't gain weight. fingers crossed!

Happy New Year everyone. Let's get everything we want this year.

Had like 200 yesterday... maybe three. Same today I hope!

Today was amazing. I had water, two diet cokes and a skinny vanilla latte. That's  90 calories today. I can't even tell you the high I am on. But I was seriously looking at food and was afraid of it. My cousins were eating leftovers and chips and dip and candy and I was so scared of that food. My stomach was growling, but I couldn't even touch it. I was scared.

still feeling shitty about last night.. I wanted so badly to not even let that food touch me, but my body had other plans I guess... Onwards and upwards, right? Or in this case downwards is ideal :)

Ahhh fuck I probably had 500 fucking calories today. shit shit shit. effing food sitting there, people staring at me expecting me to eat. I chewed and spat some things, ate some salad and then some unmentionables for real, tried to purge, still didn't work. fuck fuck fuck. 500 is so bad. hopefully i can make up for it tomorrow

I did some sit- ups on the floor to make myself feel better, but i'd rather purge. Why can't I do it??

I had to go out for lunch with the family - its our tradition on boxing day  :(   I picked at a few things, ate some green beans and diet coke. I hope I didn't have more than 300 cals buts its so hard to tell with restaurants. I suspect they essentially fry everything or coat everything in butter. No more food today. I will eat a few veggies at dinner tonight, but its more of a cocktail party, so I will only eat some raw veggies if people get suspicious. And sip on diet coke of course.

Honestly I felt so good about only eating veg for dinner, because we have this big family meal so I couldn't not eat... I didn't eat any dessert, even though today is my birthday and they had a cake just for me along with all of the other desserts like pie, cookies, squares, blah blah blah... So I ate maybe 300 cals and I feel obese. Like actually stuffed to the brim. Soooo lame.

Had two redbulls during the day, and then some broccoli and mashed potatoes for dinner... I'm saying maybe 300 cals at the worst today. Not too shabby. Got lots of great presents... no clothes obviously - I don't want to tell people what size I am. No clothes look good on me anyways - all my rolls and flab just make me look gross in everything.

Gave myself a headache from trying to purge... lame. And I didn't even get anything out of it. No pun intended. especially one as bad as that.

Tried to purge the wine but it had obviously been too long... nose and eyes streaming and nothing came up. Maybe I just didn't try for long enough... I gagged numerous times, my stomach heaving... what am I doing wrong? I have never been able to purge successfully. I KNOW its something you shouldn't start... but does anyone know what I am doing wrong? I heard drinking some water beforehand is good practice, but I didn't think it was neccessary... Any ideas?